Pregnant with #2, while chasing #1

By: MellyMel B (contributions from Lisa)

Now while this is an experience most women will go through, I am not there yet. I need to say that right off the bat – my husband and I are really happy waiting until our 7 month old daughter is older before adding to our little family. Having said that, I am behind many of my friends who are already raising two children.

I think the number of couples who are “one and done” are in the minority compared to the number of couples who plan in advance to have more than one child. I have a girlfriend who definitely feels that her pregnancy, labor, and experience with daughter Zoe is definitely enough and that she will not add to her family again. She and her husband are thrilled to be a family of three – forever.

I remember another girlfriend, Lisa, telling me more than once (before and after her pregnancy with Lainey) that she was thoroughly a “one and done” type of woman - until she decided to change her mind. Lainey is now 2 years old and Lisa is pregnant with her second child, a boy they will be naming Mason. Being very pregnant at the moment, Lisa was able to provide me with some insight on how it feels to be pregnant with child #2 while still raising and chasing after child #1. This is some helpful information for us who definitely plan on having more children some day.

Lisa is a stay at home mom who runs a business from home while still working part-time in a position where she can take Lainey to work with her. I asked Lisa to give me some thoughts on being pregnant with her second and how different it is than being pregnant with her first and one of the first things she thought to talk about was fatigue and naps – in addition to some other items she thought were “myths” before she had to deal with them herself:

Where do I begin? First of all, I have to admit that there are things I heard that I brushed off and actually assumed were excuses. To all of the #2 mommies-to-be that I did not believe…heartfelt apologies!!  Want an example? “You pop so much faster with the second baby.”  Yep, it’s true. Sadly, you get bigger; sooner! 

Next? “I am just so much more tired with this one. I need to nap all the time”  Yeah, right, I thought. Don’t get me wrong, I had to hand it to anyone who could actually pull it off. One friend would take a 2-3 hour nap with her 18 month old almost every day. Another snoozes on the couch several times a week while her 2 year old naps. With my first pregnancy, I worked part time. Three afternoons a week and I could collect my paycheck. I would sleep until 10, shower and wander out of the house after lunch. Flash forward to pregnancy #2…I drag myself out of bed at whatever time Lainey wakes up. And I’m one of the lucky ones. My kid rarely wakes up before 7, usually it’s closer to 7:30. She pretty much sleeps through the night every single night. I chase her around, feeding, playing, laundry, bills, working from home P/T as the calls come in, general errands. And I fall into the chair in an exhausted stupor the second I put her to bed at 8 PM.  Lainey is at the point now where she is weaning herself off naps. Lucky me. She averages 3 naps per week. Her choice, not mine. All I have to do is have a dire need for a nap (yep, I admit it) and BAM…the kid will not sleep for anything and calls me until I give up the game and let her out of her crib.

Can I admit that the above gives me more pause about adding a second child just yet? I remember taking naps on the weekend while I was pregnant and actually having the thought, “Will I be able to do this the next time around?” Add that to the fact that those 2am feedings are still not quite a distant memory – at all. This is the reason why those people who ask me, “So, are you ready to go for #2″ get a certain look from me. While Sophia is the light of our lives and I am sure I am going to adore an siblings we give her just as much as I adore her, I want to enjoy her as much as I can before I split the attention she gets in two. And, selfishly, I want her potty trained before I add another little one! My worst nightmare is having to change two sets of diapers! Also, I am a working mom and Sophia is in daycare. I am not quite ready to be a working pregnant woman also dealing with a toddler. I have time enough to think of that.

Since we are on the topic of pregnancy – and one of the most popular ailments of pregnancy is morning sickness I have to definitely bring up the possiblity of dealing with morning sickness while raising a child. I am also going to duck rotten fruit as I admit that I was one of those women blessed, and yes I realize that I was blessed, not to suffer from any form of morning, afternoon, or evening sickness. Lisa was not so lucky. She had to deal with this through pregnancy #1 – and again with pregnancy #2:

I have to admit that the morning sickness was not as bad this time as it was last time. That being said, throwing up 4 times a day (as opposed to 6) is still not a pleasant experience. Even my impatient little girl learned that until mommy is done throwing up, she can’t get you milk/food/toys or even talk. She learned that when Mommy blows her nose, it’s almost over. She would stand next to me and pat my back as I puked my guts up. She learned to throw up in the toilet. That one may not sound big, but the first time your little one throws up in the toilet instead of all over you or their crib, you count your blessings! I learned to feel so much guilt. When you feel so crappy you can barely lift your head, it’s hard to play play-doh, Dora, puzzles or anything else. TV time gets increased beyond what you thought you could excuse. And then the day when you finally feel good comes the heartbreaker. “Mommy, you’re not sick anymore? You can play with me?” Does it get any sadder?

I just cannot end the blog there. This is not a blog that is going to focus on the hardships of being pregnant with #2, while chasing #1. I am going to try to not end any of my blogs that way simply because that is not the way I am. There is a ray of light at the end of every tunnel, and a rainbow after ever storm – and Lisa can say it best:

After all of my complaints about the pregnancy being so hard, here’s a whole new angle. With the first pregnancy, everything was a wonder. How did I not know all of these amazing things that my body and my baby would accomplish? I obsessed about names, what the baby might look like, what her temperament might be, how big she was each week of development. Another truth…the second child really does get gypped in some ways. The joy is still there, the wonder is not quite as much. But here’s the thing. It’s new to Lainey. It’s amazing to her. She is looking forward to “her baby” coming near her birthday “in August”. She hugs, kisses, sings to, looks at and rubs my belly. She tells people that she grew in my belly, then she was a baby, now she’s a little girl and soon she will be a big girl. She tells us that she will be a big sister and that she will teach Mason “so many things.” She struggles to understand how he will not be able to sit, talk, walk or eat. She asks already if she can hold him and feed him. It’s a whole dimension to an amazing experience.